Fighting a Long Defeat

You have probably heard the phrase "garbage in, garbage out". Depending on the application and the context, this phrase will probably be appropriate. The phrase implies that what you put into something is what you are going to get out out it, assuming we all agree on the definition of garbage. On a bad day, you can apply this kind of outlook to people and view others as useful or wasteful. However, on a good day people have this amazing ability to help turn the ugly into the redeemed. For instance, Mother Theresa began a legacy for children living in the slums. And the leaders of organizations like World Vision, Compassion International, the Salvation Army, Prison Fellowship, and every Gospel Mission in the US are bringing hope to those in need. Everyday, people are taking up the causes of so-called "garbage" and are finding redemption for those who need it most.

For me, as a follower of Jesus Christ, I am challenged daily to find truth in the "garbage in - garbage out" perspective. While the voices of this world proclaim confidence in self, wealth, image, and popularity, I am called to a life of service, hope, love and truth. I am called to evaluate all things in light of a singular truth, not subjective post-modernism. This truth is God's truth. He loves us and desires us to know Him. In telling you this, I believe our time on this earth ought to represent a battle for truth and love rather than a resume of fleeting successes. What is truly important in this life, is what matters most.

Recently, I read an article titled "The Long Defeat" written by Sara Groves. She references life's true struggle stating that " "the long defeat" is not a pessimistic outlook, but rather a challenge to our culture's success-driven worldview. The difference between a cost-effective business model and the long defeat is that the conviction lies at the heart of the action, not the success of the action itself. There are many losing battles worth investing in, simply because winning is not the point".

Why do we fight, if not to win? We are called to fight for the lost, the poor, the orphaned, the widowed. We should seek to bring value to those that the world would view as worthless. We need care for those that are dying. To fight for wisdom and understanding in a world driven by alternative means. In this life it is essential to fight for our convictions and the leadings of our heart. We fight for what is right because we must and if we do not, then we have failed. In the Band of Brothers miniseries, that tells the story of a group of airborne solders during WWII, there is a title of one of episodes called "Why we fight". The episode brings purpose for the war as the US soldiers stumble upon a concentration camp with imprisoned Jews. If you have seen this series, words cannot describe what is captured on film when the soldiers free the prisoners from the concentration camp. Having never served in any branch of the military, I tread lightly in trying to explain the sacrifices of a soldier, but I can think of few things with as much value than giving your life for a person unknown, in hopes of a greater good. These are sacrifices to do what is right and is a call that we must recognize.

But how do you measure success to know how to live and fight for what is right? What does living rightly feel like? My answers at this point lay in the temperature of my heart and the actions of my life. Firstly, is the measurement of your heart. What is your heart's color and tenderness; it's humility, sensitivities, grace, strength, courage, mercy and openness? Secondly, is the measurement of the things we do, not in the sense of accomplishments but simple plain-jane actions. Things like how we spend our time, how we think, how we talk to others, what we read; what we do and react to.

Not all things are black and white in their comparisons, but many decisions give us opportunity to choose the right thing. And sometimes, the right thing will look awkward in the eyes of the world. Right doesn't always mean the most logical. In fact, these kinds of decisions seem foolish in the eyes of the world. For instance, not taking a job for the money but for it's purpose. Or volunteering time and money to a charity that helps the homeless or low-income, or at-risk youth, knowing that homelessness will never go away. How about parents who choose to raise a child that has physical or developmental disabilities. Serving in the military. Something for a higher purpose and calling. The outcome is not always the measurement we ought to live by. Sometimes, there is no outcome. Sometimes, it is simply service regardless of the profession. Many worthwhile causes exist without world-approved benchmarks. More important than popularity is our response, our reactions, our sacrifice. Rather, as Sara Groves writes so very well, "as it turns out, in each of these cases, what looks like defeat - what even sometimes ends in defeat - can only be judged in the light of eternity"

I believe that nothing is wasted outside of God's judgment. Our choices, our thoughts, our actions, and our time all carry eternal value. People matter most, and our call is to care for them all with love regardless of the end result. Our best efforts are all that we give.

REGRETS

Much of my adult life has been lived with regret. Constantly looking back at my choices, wondering if I made correct decisions and feeling unsure of myself. Throughout junior high, high school, college, and up until now I have struggled finding confidence in my decisions. Doubt has been a constant and I have hated this life of insecurity. It has been a cancer that has plagued my mind and my outlook. Things like courage and strength have been difficult for me to take hold of and embrace, and I have envied other people who exude unwaivering confidence. For so long I have wanted to be person who lives without fear and without hesitation. I have wanted to be someone bolder, better and smarter; someone that others would respect. But looking to others for validation comes with mixed reviews; while some people have said that I am smart, others have told me that I am worthless. Many voices and many opinions abound. Where is the truth? Where can I find meaning and understand in a life filled with regret, doubt and insecurities?

What is it that separates those with confidence from those with doubt? Those with strength from those with weakness? Those with freedom from those with burdens? Where is the line that shows the difference between those on each side of the fence, and what is IT that makes us so different from one another? Some are stronger, smarter, richer, and better than others. And why does it matter who is better. For me, my struggle has centered around being ashamed of myself and my lack of confidence. I have lived much of my life with the goal of trying to undue my personality and my doubts as though there was something inherently wrong with who I am at the core.

I have always feared the critic; their judgment and intimidation. I have feared the arrogance of others and the high esteem they hold for themselves. These people have shamed me and made me feel more than stupid on many occasions. Nothing is worse than feeling worthless and having someone tell you it's true. These fears are the fear of an opinion and of a person. My regrets have been tied to what others think, but I am learning that my worth, my person, and my life should not be dictated by another. Nor should it be dictated by my own opinion of myself. Selfish arrogance is no better than living in fear and doubt. Both outlooks miss the true mark of who we really are.

True life is not measured in better versus worse. It is not balanced by a majority opinion and a popular vote. All things are measured by a much higher perspective and value. Our value does not come from opinion. Our truest value can only be found in God. His value for us all is even, the rich, the poor, the strong, the weak, the normal, the addict, and the "christian" and the "sinner" (we all are sinners). God's perspective of us all is beyond human thinking. God can do what we cannot. In God's eye's we are not measured according to wealth, knowledge, and strength. Rather we are measured by the character of our hearts. Do we carry a heart that is in love with Jesus Christ as our Saviour. Is our heart one that serves, sacrifices for the good, gives to those in need? Does it forgive, hope and pray? At the end of the day, I will not allow the value of my life to be measured by regrets, doubts, and screw-ups. I will continue to make mistakes. I will continue to work with arrogant men. I will continue to have fears and doubts. But at the end of the day, I am a man that has found a new life, a life of forgiveness, freedom, and true value.

Love and Life

Does unconditional love exist and if so, what does it look like? Do we see or can we fathom a love without boundaries and that will sacrifice itself for the sake of another? Do we know a love that forgives without memory of the fault? Do we know of a love that will pick us back up after each and every mistake we make? Do we know a love that seeks our best knowing the person we really are? This is a love that goes beyond our expectations and farther than we can hope for, and it never tires of giving. It is a love that we cannot understand and cannot measure. It is beyond logic. It is above pride, arrogance, and the self. This kind of love continues to remain a mystery tied up in being freely given but never earned. It is a love that bears with hatred, pain, suffering, and evil, and continues to love back? I believe we have all seen glimpses of this love in the generosity of others, in a kind face that looks past our shortcomings, and in the connection of being with old friends.

This love is the very thing that will free our hearts and our soul when we find it. It is something beyond the love of another person because humans fail each other. That is not to say that we should cease all attempts at loving each other. But rather, unconditional love is something that we all want to know. We want to know complete acceptance, security, and freedom. We all want to know that we are safe and free from harm. We want to be known, and to be free from the boundaries of wrongful expectations, prejudices, judgments, criticism, and shame. We want peace and confidence in knowing what it means to have hope and future. We want relief from the searching, the pain, the doubts, and the fears. Life is pain and emptiness without love and unfortunately, human love cannot fill the void of knowing a love without conditions. There must be a higher source for a love that is pure and holy, a love without constraints and hesitations.

All good things in this life stem from and come about because of love. But unconditional love, the truest of all loves, only comes from one source, God the giver of life. God's love has no bounds and cannot be replaced by anything on this earth. This love is able to free us from the struggle of this life. The love of God is the only true love that we can know. It releases us from past sins, past mistakes, and past faults and makes us new. My hope, my aim, is to find and to know this love in my life. That I may be known for how I have shared the love of God. May my love be as unconditional as I am can make it to those who have only known the rules of Christianity. May the love of my God be big enough to handle the doubts, the hurts, and the regrets of those burned by love. May my life be able to demonstrate a life and heart changed by the love of God.

You better check yourself, before you wreck yourself...sucka

Lenses. Biases. We all have them. They influence our outlook on things and relate to our responses. And through these lenses we develop a “lifeview”, causing us to make judgments and decisions. My hope is that our actions and beliefs are subject to change in terms of adjusting to the truth. And I propose that regardless of our lenses and biases there is a viewpoint and a response deserving of truthful thinking.

So I ask: Is there a correct lens? Is there a lens that shows us an appropriate perspective; where people are more valuable than objects? Where strength is found in weakness? Where money holds no value? Where freedom is found in letting go of control? Where peace is found in submission? Where honor is found in service? Is there a lens which shows us the more important things, the things beneath the surface of this life?

Are we looking for that lens or are we content living within our current worldview, content with our perspective? Are we done learning and changing?

If all we have are individual opinions then I can validate my own truth in my own mind without testing its quality. In a system of values where there is a catalogue of viewpoints, it is important to realize what is fake and what is real. Our views need to be tested against universal truths. We need to question whether or not our beliefs are based on truth, what we can accept, or what we want to reject? I propose that many views are largely based on what we are willing to accept and what we want to reject. It is a question of whether or not we can we submit ourselves to the truth, knowing that our viewpoints hold inaccurate biases at times? Knowing this, can we readjust our outlook to let go of the things we cannot explain, but know to be true? We can convince ourselves that what we believe is right rather than test our ideas for validity in the real world.

The truth is, we need accountability within our beliefs. We need different viewpoints and thoughts. We need the stories of others. We need their struggles, disbeliefs, and wrestlings. We need to be taught new truths, to be called out on our faults, and to be accept the unknows in this life. None of us have all of the answers. But many of us have bits of the truth. And we must accept that we are a bit flawed and biased in how we look at things.

One principle that has spoken true to me about a correct outlook is called the fundamental attribution error. The "error" takes place when we place too large an emphasis on personal character without validating the environment as an equal affect. This occurs when we look at a homeless person and call them lazy without knowing how they got there or the circumstances within. Our outlook is a battle ground between pride and humility and neither can suffer the other. Change is not always the enemy, nor is it always the answer. In the words of the band Switchfoot "this is your life, are you who you want to be?"

Think about it.

Accepting Change

What would it take to change your mind? How about to change your life? And what direction would you move? To accept and receive something different. To allow concepts to enter your mind and cause an affect. To be changed and made new.

Is this possible or are we all in a pattern of set behaviors that cannot be undone? By what determination are our thoughts and ideas filtered? Is it the source of the idea? Or is it the perspective we live with? Must the catalyst idea be rational and common sense? And how does experience relate to thoughts being pondered? Is it more personal and based on emotions, biases, or feelings? Is it a coping mechanism? Or, is the ability to be changed based on truth; the possibility that we can and should change for a purpose beyond ourselves?

Circumstances shape us, personality gives us our perspective, and our viewpoint dictates how we will respond to the things around us. Belief and action describe to us and those around us, what we believe. And living a cause-and-action life by simply responding to the world is very different that living with a specific purpose and goal. The direction we are heading is very important. This is living with a flexibility to grow without compromising the truth, even if we don't always know what it is. It is also keeping a humble outlook that grants the opportunity to adapt. These changes, like minor corrections made during driving, keep us centered on the quest for truth. And truth is something more that than trying to be good. Goodness serves little purpose without a reason, and goodness for goodness's sake is not a worthy goal. Goodness does not advocate change.

Change comes from hope, freedom, and faith and it advocates for these changes in others. Change is future oriented, a hope in things to come with the goal of making a visible impact. Our purposes towards change ought to stem from a Godly perspective. It is a mixture of looking at ourselves and life's mysteries realistically. First of all, we must accept that we do not all of the answers. Secondarily we do have a responsibility to act and introduce others to the bits of truth that we have seen. My view is that change should always be a possibility and an expectation of others and ourselves. If we simply leave ourselves alone, we deny our ability to improve and be made new. These are purposes not of selfish gain, but of bringing freedom.
For instance, those who think everyone else is stupid, are probably the real idiot. It's called the "hot poop, warm pee complex". Most people that think they are hot poop, are really warm pee" - thanks T.J. Janecke for that simple principle about life.

We ought never be satisfied with who we are, but continually seeking what is real. Change is both difficult and unpredictable, and it is not readily accepted, but it is a worthy effort. We are made new only through a life that believes Godly truth exists, is meant for all, and is to shared. Many people are satisfied with a world of black and white, content with themselves. Others, are in chains trapped by a life of false answers. I believe there is freedom for both. We are not meant to be left alone, content with what we think we know. The direction of our life should focus on a message of good news, worthwhile challenges, questions, and viewpoints. In the words of Christ, "I came to seek and save the lost."

Finding and Defining Truth

The actions of others is fascinating and I am amazed by what causes opinion and belief. Is it a predisposition, a personality, an environmental cause? What is it that makes us believe and do the things we do? I am convinced that we all have some kind of perspective that gives cause to our thinking. One could argue that this perspective is shaped by our nature and nurture, being that who we are is a combination of our personality and our environment. I see this in my own life, with the development of my baby girl. She is already being shaped by her experiences, and her demeanor plays an important role in how she responds to life. Similarly, I would argue that adults attribute their growth, development, and outlook based on past experiences, primarily from childhood and adolescent years. (On a side note, I have a theory that many people never move past high school being that they still value the need to be cool. I should be in this category, except that friends, family, and pictures have helped me realize that I am a dork. But that topic is for another day.)

If our personality and experiences have shaped us, then it is up to us to find the appropriate response to the quandaries that plague us. Regardless of what you believe, the truth exits. However, the difficulty I have found with the truth is the ability to accept it. People value truth, but unfortunately, the truth is too easily defined from our own experiences. The idea that the truth can be defined individually is a false idea. It is like believing that the truth is a combination of our personality and circumstances, as though it changes with each new generation. The truth is not contingent on us. It does not change, rather we change our understanding and ability to accept it. The truth simply exists; whether or not we believe it. Truth is not subjective. It comes from God.

Take for instance, belief in the value of a human being. I will say that all life has intrinsic value, but human life is highest because it was created by God and created in His image. However, this is not a truth universally agreed upon across the globe, or even within our nation. Rather, the global and cultural value on life varies. Some cultures look at human beings differently than others, and in the name of religion, tradition, law, or bias each nation chooses their own beliefs and accepts them as gospel. We allow governments, courtrooms, and our culture to dictate how life is valued. This is something I cannot understand. The truth is still the truth regardless of any other viewpoint or new idea that had supposedly been introduced into modern-day thinking.

In our culture, we cannot allows the truth to become mis-represented or avoided. Truth is not culture or context based. Just because you thought you were cool in high school does not mean you are cool now. Truth is found in God. And in this life the truth is we have two main tasks: to love God, and to love people. How we love, and the context from which we love is one that I will continue searching for in this life.

A research experiment.

This blog will attempt to address questions and issues that have plagued my mind. I believe these questions have answers, or can be explained in-part. I believe good questions deserve to be recognized and understood. How these questions are understood will relate to perspective; a type of hypothesis. My perspective comes from knowing that this life has meaning and value and should be lived with purpose. For instance, life is intrinsically valuable and finding purpose ought to be our primary responsibility. From here on out, I will face the questions of my life that have gone unanswered or have been mis-directed. My attempt is to try and present valid and trustworthy answers, or at least a worthwhile discussion of the topic. This will of course include references to books, authors, definitions, movies, songs, events, behaviors, and actions. I will rely on the help of others in this quest, knowing that I do not have all of the answers. Over time, my hope is that this can can be resource to finding out what is truth and what is not. Fundamentally, all truth comes from God and my hope is that I find God's truth in the large and important questions of life. I welcome your thoughts and and input.